Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Why a Quaker?

to be perfectly honest, I'm not really sure. I know in my heart I was looking for some guidance. My partner and I are going through some tough times with the kids. Both of our kids have special needs and they are giving us a run for our money. Sometimes I feel they are winning.

We adopted the boys from foster care and they both came with horrendous backgrounds. There behaviors were so over the top, especially the older one, that we knew we were in trouble.

We asked for guidance and to tell the truth, no one really had the answers.

We even had people come into our home to show us what to do when our older son would have a meltdown. No one really had any words and stated we were doing what we should be doing.

huh? How can it be what we know what we are doing when the child is just so out of control. Have they ever had to deal with a meltdown of a child for hours.

Oh, I am not talking about your typical tantrums, I'm talking about smashing windows, tearing up the bedrooms and furniture, throwing things around the house.

We even had to call the ambulance a few times.

I was brought up catholic and I got to tell you, It still plagues me today. I always considered myself a good person, my heart is huge, and I will do anything for anyone. But this whole 'sinner' thing makes me cringe.

I find that most of what I learned was all talk and no one really left their comfort zone to welcome you in the church, unless of course you write a big 'ol check.

I stopped going to 'church' many many years ago and just listened to my own God and that is where I discovered the truth for me.

I have devoted my life to helping people and that is why I am a social worker, the pay stinks, but it was never about the money for me. My rewards come from my clients thanking me in a letter on how well they are doing. I work with homeless drug addicts. Though they are a tough population, I do find that the ones that stay clean and sober are miracles in the making.

When we adopted the kids, we really wanted to raise them with some christian roots as I do feel that is important.

We discussed starting to go back to church. My partner really is a devoted catholic and states, "take what you like and leave the rest". But I find with kids, its very black and white and having two dads to boot, might not be the best place for them to feel connected.

My partner actually goes to the Paulist center, which is a little different then a regular catholic church and much more progressive on issues, but they still have to a bid by the 'rules'.

Things really came to a head when my partner and I decided to get married, we live in Mass. and we can do that here.

My partner who was very active in the Paulist center asked if we can marry there? the priest stated that he couldn't do it. This wasn't the priest fault, it was the 'church's' fault.

Now, that was nice of him, but how messed up is this.

I told my partner I am finally done with this craziness and I am not bringing the kids to the catholic church.

(more on this later)

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